Making Friends with the Busy Mind
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about mindfulness is that we should be working toward emptying our minds. At this point in our journey, emptying our minds may not be realistic—and that is okay. The truth is, most of us have beautifully busy minds, and that is part of being human. Over the years, I have come to accept my own busy mind with more patience and kindness. As you read or listen to this post, you might gently notice where your attention naturally wanders. Curiosity is one of my favorite things about children. Their inquisitive minds and questions about nearly everything feels exciting to me. We can bring that same curiosity into this experience as we learn more about mindfulness and meditation together.
Another misconception is that mindfulness is simply about relaxation. Meditation can be relaxing, but that is not always the experience we have—and that is okay. Instead, mindfulness invites us to pay attention, on purpose, in this moment, with gentleness and without judgment. Sometimes meditation might begin with the feeling that your mind is like a hummingbird, flitting from feeder to flower and back again. Your mind might be planning the next vacation, deciding what to feed the family for dinner or for the week, or running through the chores to finish before the new school year begins—everything except the present moment. Being kind to yourself is part of learning mindfulness, and bringing curiosity to your experience can help make the practice feel more welcoming.
In Mindful Moments with Maude, Maude, the mindfulness teacher and beloved dog, helps Addie simply become aware of what is moving through her busy mind. Maude gently helps Addie notice her thoughts without judging them or wondering if she is doing meditation right or wrong. She also helps Addie understand that it is natural to have many thoughts, plans, and worries moving through her mind. That gentle lesson belongs to all of us—caregivers, teachers, children, parents, and anyone learning to practice mindfulness and meditation. It gives us another way to understand the busy mind with more tenderness.
During my mindfulness and meditation training, Jack Kornfield, a Buddhist meditation teacher, described the mind as a puppy that is always running here and there. I love that image because, like the hummingbird I described earlier, it invites us to bring love, tenderness, and gentleness to the busy mind. We often offer that kind of patience so naturally to other living creatures, yet it can be much harder to offer the same kindness to ourselves. Throughout my professional career, I have noticed that one of the hardest things for many people is showing themselves the same kindness and respect they so freely give to others. So, my most important message is this: continue to meet your busy mind with the same love, tenderness, and care you would offer to someone you dearly love. One way to practice that kindness is to begin with something simple and always available: the breath.
So, how do we begin making friends with the busy mind? One gentle place to start is with the breath. You might try breathing in for a count of four or six, pausing softly for a count of four, and then breathing out for a count of four or six. There is no need to force anything or do it perfectly. Just notice the breath as kindly as you can, and allow that small moment of awareness to be enough. You might stay with this for a few minutes and simply notice what happens. Let your breath help you return to center. Then, gently notice what is moving through your mind. If it feels helpful, you can name the thoughts, even out loud. After you name them, return to your breath and begin again.
Each time you return to the breath, you are practicing kindness toward yourself. You are reminding your busy mind that it does not need to be pushed away, scolded, or fixed. It can be welcomed with tenderness, curiosity, and care. This is the heart of mindfulness: learning, moment by moment, to come back to yourself with tenderness and care.
“Savor the Moments”
Dr. Pamm