Rocking Chair Time
A mindful pause for connection during life’s busiest transitions
I’ve been thinking about this post for several weeks, trying to find a clear way to explain what I mean by “rocking chair time.” What is the first image that comes to mind when you picture a rocking chair? Perhaps you see new parents holding a baby, or someone in a NICU gently rocking a tiny premature infant surrounded by monitors and incubators. Maybe you remember being held by someone special when you were little. Do you enjoy rocking, or does the movement make you a little nauseous? For many of us, a rocking chair represents comfort: a place to soothe the mind and body, settle a newborn, and feel safely held.
Now consider what happens in your home when you return after a busy day. You may be hungry and eager to prepare a meal for yourself or the people around you. You may want to change into casual clothes or jump into the shower after work, sports practice, a run, or yoga class. How do you usually feel emotionally at that point? Take a moment to check in with yourself: exhausted, excited, angry, anxious? Many emotions may be running high. Add young children, tired teenagers or adults, and perhaps some pets, and it is easy to see how this transition can become chaotic and distracting.
Regulating yourself is the first step toward helping those around you regulate.
This is the perfect opportunity to create a few mindful moments and notice the emotions and temperaments of the people around you. Begin with yourself. Checking in with your own body and emotions can help you decide what comes next during the transition from work or school. If you want the people around you to become more emotionally regulated, you must first try to regulate yourself. I call this pause rocking chair time: a chance to breathe, observe, and consider what you, your children, your pets, and the other adults need. Spending five minutes together over a snack before homework or meal preparation begins can create room for nourishment and connection. We can become so focused on the tasks ahead that we forget how important it is to reconnect after spending the day apart. The details may differ when people work different shifts or work from home, but the need for reconnection remains. This brief pause can help the nervous system settle into a new rhythm after a busy day.
I saw the importance of this pause firsthand while working as a family therapist with children of all ages and their families. The biggest meltdowns and tantrums often happened between the end of the day and mealtime—and they were not always limited to the children. Adults could also become overwhelmed and dysregulated during this transition. I began suggesting rocking chair time, and many families took the idea seriously. They found that reconnecting and simply being together during that transition calmed nearly everyone’s nerves. Even throwing a ball for the dog or scratching the cat could slow the rush toward the next task. Schedules and routines still mattered, but they seemed to go more smoothly after a moment of genuine connection.
The goal is not to make the transition perfect. It is to make room for
connection.
You do not need an actual rocking chair or a complicated routine. Choose one small signal that tells your household it is time to reconnect: sit together for five minutes, share a snack, take three slow breaths, cuddle a child, or give a pet some attention. The goal is not to make the transition perfect. It is to create a brief pause in which everyone can arrive.
The Center for Healthy Minds identifies connection as one of four pillars of well-being—along with awareness, insight, and purpose—that we can cultivate to support healthier, more fulfilling lives. Rocking chair time offers one simple way to practice that connection in the rhythm of everyday life.
All rocking chair time requires is a willingness to pause. Where in your family’s daily rhythm could you make room to breathe, reconnect, and give yourself and those around you a chance to arrive?
Savor the Moments
DrPamm
